Story recipe
_I found this at the end of an old exercise book I used for morning pages. Really in service of the bit I should add ten thousand words of preamble; please feel free to consider all my prior work as filling that role. I hope you find it useful._
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Ladle a character, premise, or resentment into an old butter churn and crank it around and around and around until you feel it start clanking where previously it was sloshing. You cannot overwork the story at this stage, although you may damage the churn if you go too fast or too long.
Remove the curdled lump of pre-story and discard the acrid-smelling whey. You should be able to see faint veins of plot and theme running through it, and the odd unidfentifiable crystal. At this stage the story will be dense and unmalleable. Place it under a damp teatowel to rest overnight, or for up to four decades.
When you return to the story, it should respond to light pressure by springing back in a different place to where the pressure was applied. If well-churned and rested, it may respond similarly to music, conversation, boredom, dreaming, alcohol, open fires, and major or minor life events. Try to avoid falling in love or encountering a cute dog at this stage, as these flavours will irretrievably permeate your story.
If your story remains hard and impliable, rest it again. You may also try returning it to the churn, burying it the garden, or carrying it around with you (but take care, as it will grow progressively heavier).
Turn the relaxed story out onto a surface lightly coated with grit, coffee, or positive self-image, and knead until the veins become more prominent and parts of the tough main mass begin to separate out. Once a piece has almost fully detached, you will need to cut it away with a sharp knife or angle grinder. The piece will become increasingly sticky and may scream. Removed pieces may be returned to the churn as starter material, discarded, or kept in an old Quality Street tin to look at occasionally.
Once you have removed most of the spare matter, and the remainder has hardened around the veins and crystals, you can begin assembly. You should now have either a tangled ball or a disparate collection of pieces. Take care, as crystals will evaporate if not looked at or looked at for too long.
Assemeble the pieces into a finished story, chill for between twenty four and forty three thousand eight hundred hours, and serve.
Serves zero to infinite. May cause illness.